Just words
by totem
Summary: Symmary: Paige is trying to move on after been raped, however her attacker won't let that happen
1. Chapter 1

**Teaser - Just words**

I was inspired by a book I am reading…take a look and tell me what you think

TEASER...

**(includes adult themes...read at OWN RISK)**

**Summary: Paige is trying to move on after been raped, however her attacker won't let that happen  
**

I hared the sound over in the doorway and knew that my much needed sleep was been put on hold, I opened my eyes just in time to see my older sister reach over to the mirror and pull out the photo of me and, yeah I suppose my guy.  
"They told me he was pretty hot" she spoke still looking at the photo, she must have known I was now looking in her direction.

"Who told you?" I asked, sitting up a little, still had my jeans and tight black shirt on from the previous night, a night I had only just rolled in from moments earlier. Looking up and seeing her there I had to smile; you wouldn't think this was my apartment the way they just walk in. They been my whole god damn family. Got to love them tho huh?

"Jess from P3" Phoebe explained as she lent on the doorframe to the room still looking down at the photo.  
"Really, and what exactly did she tell you?" I was curious, to know just what it was people were thinking about when they saw me with him, I know what most of them think because I hear the comments been thrown around, 'she's just another notch on his belt, mark on his bed post a name added to a long list' yeah I hared the things they say.  
"that he's sex on legs" Phoebe explained, I had to smile, and also I had to agree. Hell it was an understatement, "And that he's been with every woman around town worth a shot at" She put the photo back on the side and for the first time since walking in looked up to see me for the first time. What she said was so true, Jeff was a player, I knew it, and half the woman in the city knew it.

"So what brings you by?" I wanted to change the subject, not wanting to talk about him to Phoebe. There was a reason that I hadn't introduced them and that I hadn't brought him up in conversation - I didn't want this conversation. Phoebe didn't take the hint though.  
"So he good in the sack?" She asked as she walked over and sat on my bed, I kicked my sister on the side, "I know you're sleeping with him" She spoke, hell it even sounded like she was happy for me. I think. I mean, if I got past the concern I could sense. It was true I had slept with him – more than once, hell way more than once. It was then it came, Phoebe's next question was one I didn't want – "He your first since…?" I cut her off with a glare letting her know this was of limits. That wasn't something I was ready to talk about…probably never would be.  
"What else did Jess tell you?" I asked, making sure Phoebe got off topic,  
"That he's got a great body" She replied  
I smiled and nodded, "Soccer player and boxer" I explained.  
"He has deep blue eyes that you can just stare into for hours" Phoebe continued on with her list.  
"True" I reply, just thinking of those eyes.  
"And that he's all over my sister... my baby sister" Phoebe added making sure I got the 'he hurts you he's dead' look she gave me.  
"He's a good guy" I defend, as I look up at my sister, he was a good guy. Sure we have had our fights, and we've had rows but all in all he was good.  
"He's a player" She pointed out,   
"He's not playing me!" I tell her, I know he isn't – even if that's what they all think.  
"I hope he's worth it" Phoebe said,  
"Yeah he is, more than worth it" I tell Phoebe, she can sense my defensive tone.  
"I'm just saying I can count the amount of guys you've slept with, can Jeff do that? Hell, you had Glenn, Danni, Mark and Brad…" Phoebe looked at me,  
"Aren't you forgetting the last guy?" I reminded, anger towards him showing and regret for bringing him up following shortly afterwards. Mostly because Phoebe took this as a way point of getting into the whole thing.  
"Does Jeff know you were raped?" She was blunt and to the point.  
"Hasn't come up in conversation, no" I tell her, been just as blunt. She just nods her head knowing that when I'm like this you don't talk about the rape because I'm very likely to explode and lose it.

"Just be careful" She tells me, she is worried  
"What are you so worried about Phoebe, it's not like Jeff can hurt me more than that bastared did" I tell her, I sense her annoyance at my seemingly care free and regardless attitude, truth was if I let myself worry about it still, I wouldn't have moved from my bed. Two months after the rape all I did was cry, It would have been easy to just give up but with a little help from a persistent friend, and ex Glenn and three very caring older sisters I'm threw it – and even though at the time I was broken I now feel strong again. I worked so god damn hard to get here it was my right to be dismissive if I wanted to. "I'm okay phoebe" I tell her.  
"Whish I believed that" She spoke

'wish I could to' I added silently in my own mind knowing that I'd never be completely okay – there would always be before and after the rape and now even nearly a year after I was half the woman emotionally I was before. I turned so I was lay on my back looking up at the ceiling of my apartment. I wish she believed me, for her own sake as well as mine she had spent to long been worried about me. I know she still feels guilty, you know the guilt an over protective sister would feel. It was't her fault though – some people would even say it came with the job. Been in the police force…a woman…hah! I'm not talking about this…not now!

"Is that all I'm going to get from you, that look?" Phoebe asked me,  
I look at her, "What look?" I ask  
"The one that says you don't want to talk about this, about the RAPE"  
"I don't" I explained, "I really don't want to talk about it"  
Phoebe just nods her head, then she looks away from me and over to the side board. I look back up to the ceiling, there's silence for a few moments.

"He's hot" She tells me  
"Yeah, he's a good guy to" I added  
"what is it two months now?" She asks referring to the length of time I've been dating him.  
"Three" I tell her; yeah it's pretty serious, long time since it's been serious I muse over in my own mind. I decide I'm not getting that much needed sleep I had hoped for and sit up on the side of my bed, "so what's brought you by?" I ask.  
"just wanted to see how you were, haven't seen you in awhile" Phoebe explained, as she lay back on my bed.  
"yeah well works hectic!"  
"Yeah and all your time with lover boy!" She laughed, "look, I was kind of wondering if you and me could go out today…"  
Paige picked up on something, "Sis, somthings wrong so spit it out"  
"Fine, look I was kind of hoping that maybe you could…help me move out of the apartment"  
Now I know something was wrong, "Has something happened?" I ask, "Is everything okay?"  
"I just really need out of there - out of the apartment, out of it all…" She tells me, I see she's holding something back and she's showing so much pain.  
I move and stand in front of her, "Talk to me" I say, "What's he done to you"  
Phoebe stood up violently; she turned her back on me. Something was Really wrong "Look, last night we were arguing and, he hit me…"

Rage burnt in me, and Phoebe saw it. "Where?" I growled.  
She turned her back on me, I'd never seen Phoebe like this, she was acting like she was empty. I walked over to her and reached my hand forward, I held it on her shoulder and then turned her to look at me. She did, she looked into my eyes and that was all she had to do to let me know that nothing was alright. I moved my hand to her face and moved the hair that hung in front of her - behind her ear. That's when I saw it, the huge yellowing bruise that had blackened in the centre – THAT BASTARD! I could see his ring indented on her. Phoebe took my hand, tight, and looked into my anger filled eyes, I looked into here's…they were to calm, this wasn't Phoebe, not the older sister I knew.  
"Don't be the cop Paige, be the sister I need right now"  
"Cop Paige? Any Paige wants to kill him, not just cop Paige" I shot, it was true I wanted to make him pay. I have seen TOO many people in my line of work go threw this. Do the whole, abusive relationship thing.   
"Don't" Phoebe said, "Just… please"  
"Is this the first time?" I asked, okay I growled at her. She nodded.

I closed my eyes, I had to push my anger away…I had to be the sister I really knew that she needed right now so I wrapped my arms around her neck and hugged her tight. "...…" I sighed, how did it get to this, "your ending it for good?"  
"Your not the only one who saw dad beat the shit out of mom, Of course I'm ending it" She shot, as she pulled back.  
"I'm sorry" I nodded my head, "..., I'm so sorry" I was, I never like seeing my sisters hurt…  
Phoebe looked to the floor, "I…I was, really scared"  
"Lets get you out of that place… and what you say you move in with me?" I asked her.  
"You don't mind?" She asked,  
"What do you think?" I smiled. Man it killed me to be the supportive sister right now – I wanted to show him what it's like to be scared of someone. I hated him right now…I hated a guy who since I was a kid I had considered a friend. Not anymore...

she was crazy if she thought i'd let him get away with this!


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2 – just words**

soccerstar11-5- thanks dude for the review, hope i don't disapoint...here's part 2.

Who-will-change-the-world- Hey there, yeah i hope my muse sticks with this too lol. Thanks for the review

Paige Halliwell- heya Paige Halliwell, thanks for ur support. Have to say i'm going with the flow on this on. No set path as of yet. Hope it all works out. Thanks for the review.

TVCrazed- glad you liked dude

Coquetry- glad you want more. Hope you like the next part. THe book B.T.W was a kirian slaughter book. Thankyou for the review

And thanks to all yous who read part 1...thanks guys

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Part 2

We'd been sat in the car now for at least ten minuets and she had not said a word to me – maybe she was ashamed. Mom always was when dad did it, even more so if one of us had seen. Truth was she was probably no regretting telling me as I was having an increasingly hard time covering the anger. I was shouting at cars that cut me up, I was running lights and I was changing the radio stations constantly. Fuck, I can't believe what was happening right now? How did it ever get to this?

"Jesus Christ would you stop" The first words that Phoebe had said to me in a while, more like shouted and she reached forward and switched the radio. She pushed her hands threw her hair and sighed leaning back into the chair after a few moments she turned looking back out of the side window, then her voice softened, "…it's driving me crazy" She explained as if giving me an explanation for her outburst.

But without the radio silence filled the car, I don't know why I said it or what made me say it but I did. "Why me?"

Phoebe looked over at me, I could see the confusion. "Why you what?" She asked,

"Why…did you come to me? You could have gone to anyone, why me? Prue was closest to your place. I mean, you know it's really hard for me to keep calm right now, I mean after dad and mom, everything with been raped and…you know…he's been my friend since we were kids…this is just…" I trailed off, unsure of really the point to my question.

"He's not the same person to when we were kids" She told me. "And, when we were young…and dad would do this to mom it was always you who'd…make me feel safe. I'm…scared." I'd never seen her like this, Phoebe my big sister always the one been strong for me. And she's scared. All that's running threw my head is that bastards name…what did he do to her?

"I love you" I tell her, it was true I did love her – she was more important to me than my own life. Just like Prue and Piper… I'd do anything for them. And that anything even meant teaching guys they can't mess with them. They are never going to feel what I have. I'm not going to let it happen.

"I love you to" She tells me. Then goes back too looking out of the window.

--------------------

"Look, I just need an hour, maybe two… I know, look re arrange my meeting, I'm sorry I need to take this time. Ellis…look I have to…"

I walked into the living room of the apartment I was clearing of my sister's things. She was sat on the coffee table her head in her hands trying to explain why she hadn't turned up for work…this just made me hate the guy even more. I walked over to the mantle and took from it a photo, Prue and Piper and myself in it. I couldn't believe just how much we had grown and how much this had all changed; our lives were so different now. I put the photo in the shoulder sports bag I'm carrying around, I'm packing up my sisters life and what's worse is that…she hasn't cried, she seems to be relieved which makes me think what went on in this apartment, in the relationship was worse than she's letting me know. I went on to start packing threw the books on the side. Hell most of these would have been hers. I took the hand full and threw them on top of everything else. I then hared Phoebe cut the phone off and place it on the side. Turning she had her head in her hands as she took deep breaths. Walking over to her I dropped the bag to the floor and put my hands on her shoulders from behind. "Are things okay?" I asked.

"Just great" She replied sarcastically, "Ellis wants me in the office for staff meeting in half an hour." She explained.

"Well, we are nearly done here…just…" I looked across to the corridor, "Your room"

She looked over there, and sighed, thinking for a few moments she just stood up and turned to face me. "You know what's mine. I can't go in there…do you mind finishing up?" I ran my hands over her arm and pulled her into a hug.

"Go to work, I'll sort everything out here"

"Thanks" She managed softly, weakly but she really meant it.

She stepped back and took a deep breath, to compose her self because god for bid my big sis would cry, show any emotion or pain that a guy caused her. She lent forward to pick up the large sports bag from the floor. "Leave it…I'll take it all back to mine"

"You sure"

"Yeah, no point letting them sit in your car…"

"I can't believe this…I'm running away from him. I'm too scared to even face him…What the hell is wrong with me?" She asked looking into my eyes.

"No, it's not you… listen to me, he's dangerous, you're doing the right thing here."

She just nodded her head, then I watched as Phoebe went to leave, but remembered something; she stopped and searched in her bag, then slowly she turned around. She walked over and put the apartment key on the table. She wouldn't even look at me, she was to proud to show that there were now tears threatening to fall. I watched my sister then manage to get to the door and open it, the last thing that she said was "throw the pictures of us away."

Then there I was stood in the apartment on my own knowing that I was the one who had to go into the bed room. My heart was breaking for my sister; I really can't believe what was happening – and I really couldn't have hated him more than I did now. Picking up the bag I went towards the bed room.

Around twenty minuets later I walked from the room, and back into the living room. Walking around I picked up the rest of the photos of my sister and him and ripped them up smashing them from the frames. After seeing the state of the bed room I only now understood the full extent of the argument. Everything was everywhere. It had either kicked off in there or ended in there. After I had officially finished all that had needed to be done I headed for the front door. Two sports bags over my shoulders I pulled the door open…I couldn't just leave it like this. Turning back I walked over to the table and took the key my sister had left.

----------------------------

"Mm baby what are you doing here?"

"Can't I come see how my girl is?" He asked as he lent forward and kissed me. His lips softly pressing against mine, I deepened it by taking hold of his jacket and pulling him in closer. I couldn't help myself after the day I had with it starting as my sister showing up this morning to the god damn case load I was facing right now at work I just wanted an escape. He lent back from the kiss, "SO how are you?" he smiled.

"Long day" I explained as I lent into his body, "you're coming up right?" I asked as I wrapped my arms around him.

"Try and stop me" He smiled, and then the both of us headed up towards my apartment. It was funny, when I was with him I felt like a new me. Like, all the past…wasn't real. "How was work?" He asked me as we waited for the lift.

"a pain in the ass…case loads are pilling up" I explained running my hand over his back, he lent forward and kissed me softly again. "Maybe I can make you feel better?"

"Maybe" I smiled back then we walked into the lift.

Pushing my key into the lock I pushed open the door, "how's your day been?" I asked

"Better now I'm with you" He shut the door and I continued through the apartment to the kitchen where I threw my keys on the side. He followed me, and took my hand as soon as he got close enough pulling me into him and kissing me with more passion than I had felt in a while. "How about we spend a night in?" HE asked seductively when he finished the kiss.

I was love struck; I dopily ran my hand down the front of his shirt and took hold of his tie, "umm…baby sounds great but…" I lent forward kissing his softly, "my, sister…she's going to be here tonight. She's moving in with me" I explained.

He sighed and ran his hands down her back, "Well you could always come to mine"

"I…kind of need to be here" I really couldn't leave Phoebe tonight. Not after the day she'd just had. "Sorry baby…"

He lent closer to me, his hands moving slowly up from my waist, "Well…" He looked into my eyes seductively, "look's like we'll have to just make up for that now" He began to undo my shirt slowly. I smiled; he made me feel so loved, so wanted. We made our way to the bed room.

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tell me what you think? thanks for reading


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you all so much for the reviews, sorry it took so long to post. Works hectic. Like i said thanks alot. you guys r the best ;)**

AN/ ADULT THEMES (read at own risk)

**Part 3**

I was lay there, I had work to do. I knew that but couldn't bring myself to move from where I was lay against his chest, an arm wrapped protectively around me, I was safe. There were times in my life that I thought I'd never feel this again. IT was wired, how things were right now I'm almost sure that the word bouncing around from side to side, wall to wall of my head is that L-word, Love. His hand was running absently up and down my arm as I moved mine around him. "Ever wish you could stay like this forever" He asked me.

I smiled, nodding my head; "Always" I think we've been here a few hours now, felt like minuets though. Time fly's when you having…

Something broke into my thoughts, his hand moved down over my shoulder to my collar bone. I winced emboss, not in physical pain but emotional – on instinct as he traced his fingers softly over the scar. He noticed how I reacted, I moved swiftly and stopped his hand, "Don't" I tell him, it's a pathetic attempt to hide my emotion. Not well I might add. I wouldn't even look at him.

"You never told me where you got this" He said.

"You never asked" I replied back. For some reason my breathing became less calm, uneasy.

His hand pushed my hair from my face, "I'm asking now…" He spoke softly as if comforting me into answering.

"Kids will be kids" I offered feebly.

"Paige, I'm a doctor…this is resent a few months, a year…"

"Look, just leave it" I tell him. I sit up from his embrace and move to the edge of the bed where I grab my jeans, he confused…I know that because he hasn't made a move and I can feel his eyes burning into my back.

I stand up, and pull the jeans on and manage his shirt. "Paige … baby stop…" He reached over kneeling on the bed and facing me. Grabbing my shirt he pulled me into him. "I'm sorry" He offered.

"What for?" I asked

"I don't know but usually when a girl acts like this I have done something" He explained. With his charming smile.

The next words that left my mouth I couldn't help but say it with a smirk, yet I was serious at some level – "This happen to you a lot then?"

"You know I come with a past" He explained.

I nodded, and mumbled "Not the only one"

"What's that meant to mean?" HE asked me

"Nothing" I shot, and then looked to the floor, "Can we pretend like this never happened?"

"I'm not sure what has happened" He explained.

There was a few seconds silence and then he moved back onto the bed, taking me with him. He sat with his back against the headboard and he brought me into his chest holding me close I rested my head on his shoulder. "You don't like to not be in control do you?" He spoke. His arm snaked around my waist.

I didn't answer, I didn't know what to say. After a few seconds I turned and looked into his eyes, "What do you want me to say?" I asked.

"You cops are all the same" he mused.

"What's that meant to mean" I shot

"you take the weight of the world on your shoulders Paige and it'll crush you" He tells me. I can't help but smile,

"You're my boyfriend not my shrink" I remind. "Just, be my boyfriend okay?"

He smiles, the charming smile – and he moved in to me to kiss me but stopped short, he was only inches away and he stopped he lifted me so I was sat on his lap. Then he kissed me, passionately. I ran my hand down his chest and was getting drawn into his passion. "I love you" he murmured. I pulled back from the kiss and looked into his eyes.

"What?" I asked.

"You hared me" He smiled, "I love you"

I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, I buried my head into his neck and replied "I … I love you to"

The kiss then deepened, as he turned me over so I was under him.

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My gun

My gun!

God damn it, normal people they lose their keys, me no, me I lose my gun!

Why the hell can't things be normal in my life? I mean what kind of person loses their gun. I had literally turned my room inside out and decided that it must be in the living room. As I headed in that direction the buzzer rang out. I lifted the phone, "yeah"

"It's about time…"

"Come on up" I buzzed her threw. Then went about looking for my…gun.

I managed to look behind the sofa cushions then I hared her, "Hey sis"

"Hey Prue" I stood up and looked towards her, "What brings you by" I asked as we hugged.

"just passing…wow sis" She reached forward and moved the hair behind my ear so she could see my neck. "…looks like you've been having fun" She smirked.

"What!" I was confused.

"Look in the mirror" She tells me. I do just that. Turning around I walk over and then I see.

"Damn…" I ran my hand over the mark on my neck.

"You got a love bite sis" Prue stood behind me.

"No…No way. I'm going to kill him" I growled.

"And would this be the guy from P3?"

"Yeah, The guys called Jeff" I tell her, "damn, the guys are going to have fun with this one."

"Nice to see you so happy…"

What is it with these guys, why is it so shocking I'm happy. I role my eyes, "Okay look…we can talk but do something useful…I've lost my gun"

"Your gun?"

"I know… I know…" I mumbled.

Prue did help my look...

It took us a few minuets and I realised I had slipped the gun under my sofa the night before. I reached for it. And there it was. "Thanks for the help sis" I smiled.

"Ah, wait…you're not getting away that easy…"

I looked at her, "Oh god what now?"

"Tell me"

"About?"

"about Jeff…" She took hold of my hand and forced me to sit on the sofa, "Must be getting serious"

I shrugged my shoulders, "He's great…" I tell her.

"But?" She asked

"But…I don't know I just…" I lent back in the chair, Prue turned looking at me, "he said that he loved me"

"And your not happy?"

"I am… it's just…"

"Just what…"

"I don't know…I'm just scared. This is the first guy since…"

Prue nodded, she understood what I was getting at. "It's going to be hard to trust again" She explained.

I shook my head, "No it's not about trust…"

I stopped, maybe I shouldn't tell her, but I can't keep going on like this. She might be able to help me. Doubt it but it's worth a shot. I turned and looked at her. "When…when I was raped…" I took a deep breath and swallowed hard. If I could I avoided this subject but I couldn't avoid it this time I needed help. My big sister to tell me that I'm not crazy, though I felt it "I was scared. And sometimes when I'm with Jeff I kind of flash back…I feel like I'm going crazy." I growled. For some reason anger caught hold of me. I lent forward and rested my head on my hands pushing them threw my hair. "I see his face, and…I can't forget what he said…over and over and … over… he told me he loved me, that I was his. 'I love you inspector…' – it's all that I hear over and over. I sleep with guns all over my house because I'm terrified. And my boyfriend touches me and I act crazy…"

It had been awhile since I had lost it. Lost it like this in front of anyone I mean.

"You are not crazy" Prue told me, "Paige what happened, it's not going to fix overnight."

"It's been months Prue, MONTHS" I tell her.

They'd never be able to understand and I never wanted them to fully get what I'm feeling. Ever…

Prue knew exactly what I needed though, not for her to talk to me.

She reached forward and wrapped her arms around me I lent into her – "Sorry…" I cried weakly. Great now the tears came. "I see him everywhere Prue, when I'm asleep he's there…when I wake up in the night I walk into the living room and see him sat on the chair, smiling at me…smirking. Every time I answer a call I expect to hear him…he's out there somewhere Prue...he's out there."


End file.
